this memory is less wahoo. vi like - physically recoils at this, staggers back. it shouldn't affect her this badly, but she's still getting used to the memshare in general, and also - well. she's in the same boat, in a way. a step behind.
a beat. ]
-- Roxana. [ she says, and there's sympathy, maybe, but mostly empathy. understanding, in a way. ]
[ vi has seen this, so far. someone who dodges and deflects and is vague enough to make sure nobody gets in too close.
she takes a step forward - doesn't touch, but offers a hand. ]
Years ago means fuck-all when it comes to family. [ ... ] I'm sorry. I'm sure someone's said that to you already, but I'll say it again. I think a girl like you probably doesn't hear it enough.
[ it's one thing to take a hand for physical support, to stand up from falling down on the floor, and it's another thing to take a hand for any emotional reason. there is a part of her that's resistant, but she place her hand lightly in vi's. ]
when roxana puts her hand there, vi gently squeezes it, petting her hand with her thumb. and then she lets go, not wanting to press too hard. a foot in the door, that's all she needs. ]
Yeah, but you're alive because of it. Being selfish isn't always a bad thing. [ ... ] You know all of that was fucked up, right? You're not gonna tell me that's just how things are done?
Filtering out which of my half-siblings would be more help than hindrance, sorting out which ones would even care to do anything about this at all... I've found a few, but reaching out to too many is also a danger. Some of them have such loose lips.
[ she's so closed off in part because of how secretive she has to be in front of her father and most of her family. it's easier for her to be careful in all aspects, at all times, than it is to be selective about it. ]
My father's end will be in the way he hates the most, or it will not be satisfactory in any way. There is a family he hates, and I aim to open the way for them to grab hold of him.
I know Lante would rather take his own life than be taken by a Pedelian.
[ this is the one thing she wants most for her father. she could kill him in the her execution without hesitation and without prolonging it because she knew it could be worse for him at home. ]
vi is going to say something else but gets interrupted, here you can have her trying to kill her sibling too but in like, four parts because netflix is a plague on my house
[ there is some resonance in what she sees although she thinks there is some heavy denial from vi, at least in that moment in the memory. she does not know where vi's mindframe is now exactly except roxana can see why she drinks so much.
there is always pain in having to fight someone you wish you could have. ]
I don't know why it had to be you. I don't think you wanted it to be you.
[ roxana out here being the only one other than boothill that makes mention of her drinking is killing me
a slow exhale, as she grapples with that, and then: ]
It had to be because it's my fault. [ but she doesn't contest that. she didn't want it to be her. it's just that her sense of duty, her sense of responsibility - it swept her away. wasn't strong enough to overpower her love, though. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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this memory is less wahoo. vi like - physically recoils at this, staggers back. it shouldn't affect her this badly, but she's still getting used to the memshare in general, and also - well. she's in the same boat, in a way. a step behind.
a beat. ]
-- Roxana. [ she says, and there's sympathy, maybe, but mostly empathy. understanding, in a way. ]
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it takes her a second to reel her emotions back in. sympathy, empathy—they are both appreciated, but she does so much not to be perceived. ]
... I was wondering if this would repeat, too. It was years ago.
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she takes a step forward - doesn't touch, but offers a hand. ]
Years ago means fuck-all when it comes to family. [ ... ] I'm sorry. I'm sure someone's said that to you already, but I'll say it again. I think a girl like you probably doesn't hear it enough.
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she looks at her hand. she does not step back, but she doesn't look like she minds that vi stepped forward. ]
I was sorry back then, too.
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Can't even imagine. I wouldn't have been able to. [ ... ] You're a survivor. Not that it makes it better.
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Not better at all. It was a selfish decision.
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when roxana puts her hand there, vi gently squeezes it, petting her hand with her thumb. and then she lets go, not wanting to press too hard. a foot in the door, that's all she needs. ]
Yeah, but you're alive because of it. Being selfish isn't always a bad thing. [ ... ] You know all of that was fucked up, right? You're not gonna tell me that's just how things are done?
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when vi lets go, roxana lets her hand rest back in her lap. her lips curve into a humorless smile. ]
It's both. That's normal for my family, but I grew up hating everything about it.
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No kidding. [ vi thinks only a psychopath would enjoy any of that. ] Did you... ever manage to get free of it?
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It's a work in progress. It's not the easiest thing.
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[ she can't even imagine, really, what it'd take to get out from under that. frowning... ]
Is anybody helping you?
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[ she's so closed off in part because of how secretive she has to be in front of her father and most of her family. it's easier for her to be careful in all aspects, at all times, than it is to be selective about it. ]
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Did you get rid of someone here for one of those items? The ones that can change things.
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I know Lante would rather take his own life than be taken by a Pedelian.
[ this is the one thing she wants most for her father. she could kill him in the her execution without hesitation and without prolonging it because she knew it could be worse for him at home. ]
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[ she's not against killing people. she was gonna kill silco, or at least. she thought she was going to.
there's still things she doesn't agree with, but she doesn't find it worth picking a fight on. blonde women do be out there murdering. ]
And what then?
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[ things she won't say in front of anders unless she wants a reaction. ]
All that was in motion before I came here. I'll leave my family to whomever wants it after.
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Yeah, but - I mean, for you. What do you want to do?
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Be free to rest.
[ it's been a long time since she's had time to just rest. ]
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[ genuinely. ]
I hope you got a little of that here. Even if it sucks. Our team wasn't so bad at lifting spirits.
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[ she offers her a smile smile. ]
Our team could have been much worse.
[ GIVE ME A MEMORY FLURRY ]
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vi is going to say something else but gets interrupted, here you can have her trying to kill her sibling too but in like, four parts because netflix is a plague on my house
part one
part two
part three
part four ]
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there is always pain in having to fight someone you wish you could have. ]
I don't know why it had to be you. I don't think you wanted it to be you.
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a slow exhale, as she grapples with that, and then: ]
It had to be because it's my fault. [ but she doesn't contest that. she didn't want it to be her. it's just that her sense of duty, her sense of responsibility - it swept her away. wasn't strong enough to overpower her love, though. ]
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that is a curious thing to say. ]
Why is it your fault?
[ or would the better question be how? ]
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[ rubs at her face, a bit. ]
I left her behind, and if I hadn't, it wouldn't be like this.
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