★ ROXANA

[doublefists]

from hit canon roxana

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[doublefists]

[ OKAY

vi is going to say something else but gets interrupted, here you can have her trying to kill her sibling too but in like, four parts because netflix is a plague on my house

part one
part two
part three
part four ]

[disingenuous]

[ there is some resonance in what she sees although she thinks there is some heavy denial from vi, at least in that moment in the memory. she does not know where vi's mindframe is now exactly except roxana can see why she drinks so much.

there is always pain in having to fight someone you wish you could have. ]

I don't know why it had to be you. I don't think you wanted it to be you.

[doublefists]

[ roxana out here being the only one other than boothill that makes mention of her drinking is killing me

a slow exhale, as she grapples with that, and then: ]

It had to be because it's my fault. [ but she doesn't contest that. she didn't want it to be her. it's just that her sense of duty, her sense of responsibility - it swept her away. wasn't strong enough to overpower her love, though. ]

[disingenuous]

[ boothill is helpful about it. roxana recognizes vices for what they are.

that is a curious thing to say. ]

Why is it your fault?

[ or would the better question be how? ]

[doublefists]

Because I left her.

[ rubs at her face, a bit. ]

I left her behind, and if I hadn't, it wouldn't be like this.

[disingenuous]

How do you know that for sure? How did you leave her?

[ vi doesn't seem like the type who'd leave behind someone easily, not with how she's bonded with strohl and hulkenberg from what she's seen. ]

[doublefists]

[ she bonds hard and fast, for sure. ]

I got arrested. [ sighs. ] None of this would've happened if I hadn't taken them all on the job I did.

[ there's a little flash of memory - of a man with a beard sitting in front of her, dabbing at her forehead with a cloth. If anything happens to them, it's on you. ]

[disingenuous]

[ a criminal. not that roxana cares about that kind of record, not really, but she can see the toll of responsibility. ]

You take so much to heart, but you can't help the system you were born into. I imagine you were arrested at a young enough age.

[doublefists]

[ the thing is she refuses to let any of her excuses make her look even remotely innocent. ]

Old enough that I should've known better. [ she rubs at her wrists. ] Whether I meant to or not, I still did. So she's my responsibility.

[disingenuous]

You are set in this, but was there only you for her? Was there no one else to support you?

[ is the man in that flash of a memory dead? ]

[doublefists]

[ mmmmmmm she looks like she doesn't want to answer this, but she doesn't see any point in hiding it. ]

Nobody else was left. She killed them. [ ... ] On accident. It was an accident.

[ but. still. ]

[disingenuous]

[ an accident doesn't take away the result, but it does paint it a different shade. ]

It's an unfortunate series of events that led her to how she is now. It changed things terribly for the both of you. [ ... ] It sounded like she wanted you to put her to rest.

[doublefists]

[ she shoves her hands in her pockets. ]

That's - that's what I went down there to do. [ her voice is lower, rougher here. ] She wasn't Powder anymore, so I thought...

[ ... ]

I don't know what to do about her anymore. About any of it.

[disingenuous]

It looks like talking isn't much of an option anymore, is it?

[ ... ]

How much does it matter if there isn't much of the sister you once knew? Are you still the same Vi that she used to know?

[doublefists]

[ hhhh. ]

No. [ to the last question, as she stares at the ground.

she rubs at her face. ]

I already - went that far, I did the enforcer thing to get to her, and I really - I really was going to stop her, but I couldn't, because it doesn't really matter what's wrong or what's right. If she's a problem, she has to be mine, but I can't just... get rid of her.

[ she just can't bring herself to do it. she tried to convince herself there wasn't anything left so it would be easier, but it didn't work. ]

[disingenuous]

You love her too much, and your love means you can't let go.

[ there's a history that runs too deep. ]

I don't think it's wrong if you want to keep a hold of her. Even if causes problems for everyone else... I don't think it's wrong for you to want it.

[ is it good? is it healthy? will it help either of them? maybe not. probably not. it's uncertain, but it's not wrong to want. ]

[doublefists]

[ silence, for a bit. then: ]

She's my sister. [ finally. ] I guess both of us sort of know what it's like to not want to let go of them.

[ or that's what she thinks, after that memory she saw. ]

[disingenuous]

Wanting only accounts for so much, sometimes.

[ it's true she's never wanted to let her brother go, but roxana would rather be the one to let go violently than to have someone else rip someone out of her hands. ]