[ indignant, immediately, with a burst of his usual anger, he defends - ] Of course I did! I was full planning on telling you, long before this place started leaking our memories everywhere, but we didn't exactly have time, all things considered!
[ always time, always time. vi was gone so quickly. after their jaunt on the gauntlet runner in simulations, he'd been thinking about it, and wanted to break it to her after the weekends events, only - that weekend, it was vi on the table once again, and everything spiralled from there. vi barely wanted to talk about the idea that she could be leaving with them. on top of that, there were a thousand other things to cover, too. her murder, the issues with rosamund, how afraid she was of being abandoned, it just never came up, even though the latter, he knows, will be made worse here.
he holds up both his hands in surrender even after that anger burst though, because he is apologetic and willing to take all of the heat, especially with the worry that leaks through. ]
Look. I've been thinking - it'll be fine. I don't think I'm going to die.
[ this is a marked change in what he told someone else who saw this same memory a few weeks ago, but - well, he feels a little differently about his noble sacrifices, lately. ]
[ they're the same in so many things. their anger comes from care, from love, from the desire to protect. she's pissed because she loves him, and she wants him to be safe.
they didn't have the time. it's the source of all of her problems, she just doesn't ever have enough time. she has missed so much. he was planning to tell her, but she died, and then she was so sure that she wasn't going to be able to go back with them - she's still not sure. she wants to, but nobody has an answer. nobody has a promise, and really, even then, they can promise all they want but in the end, if it doesn't happen, it'll kill her. so she can't hope. she really shouldn't hope, she shouldn't promise.
god, really, again - it's a good thing magla isn't a problem here because her anxiety is such a problem, her restlessness is just. getting to her. it comes out as something snarled and upset, and she has to take a second to swallow hard and push the burn of tears away again. she's not a crybaby, she won't cry about this. she can't hope, but she can't just let him go, either, so...
so instead, fiercely: ]
Yeah, you're goddamn right. You're not going to die.
[ because she'll be there, and she's not going to let him. ]
[ in the face of all that emotion - his own are unsteady, too, but he locks onto that phrase. you're not going to die. i'm not going to die. he's got his own uncertainties. there's the fact that basilio and heismay were just as badly wounded. the fact that heismay is so small despite his ability to glide. strohl is not a light and delicate young man. there's the fact that he was plummeting, too, doomed to his death and his noble sacrifice, like his parents before him.
but.
things are changing. he wants to see the future, the world they've fought for. and he wants vi to see it, too. so, he locks onto that steadiness, and catches her eyes.
[ this is something she can do. she can't fix anything at home, she can't help her sister, she can't help caitlyn. that entire situation will never work out the way she wants it to. but this - this is concrete. all of this time she's been wrestling with the guilt of being caught in a tight spot, how she couldn't think of something that would save everybody. but here? here. in this memory, she thinks if she was standing there, she could catch him. she could do something about it.
and it's really what makes the decision for her. if she wasn't sure before, she is now.
so - vi takes his hand, and meets his gaze with a certainty she hasn't had before. ]
anyway. admittedly, there's a brief bit of hangtime here, a brief - hesitation, a moment where things could go either way. strohl knows what answer he'd like to hear, but with this final, necessary truth set between them, it could go either way. is he not making more promises he could so easily break?
but the answer that comes is so assured and confident that it makes his heart soar. and despite the fact that he got punched just five seconds ago, despite the fact he was face to face with his own death once again, (maybe?) it puts a grin on his face. ]
... Good. [ and he'll take her hand, and squeeze it hard, projecting back that exact same emotional security, that certainty, that warmth, as the anxiety melts to a low simmer. ] Then I'll be fine.
[ it's a leap of faith, in the most literal sense. in the way that vi showed him her back, in the resort, it's strohl falling, falling, falling, and knowing she'll be right there to catch him. some part of him wonders if that'll be strong enough to force that awakening, after all. ]
[ it could be a disaster. it could be one more broken promise, but at this point - at this point, if she gives over and allows herself to want something, she will just have to make it true. she's so sick of being miserable. she wants to fix things.
so. he takes her hand, squeezes it. and she swallows hard, watching him. there's a future for her where she can stop her family from falling out of her grasp. there's a future where that doesn't have to happen again. there is a future where she sees the thing that drives her the most - the people she loves - get hurt, and she'll be able to help, in a solid, feasible way.
she really might awaken then and there after all. ]
... Still mad at you for not telling me right away, but yeah. You'll be fine.
[ this is not as serious. lightens the mood a little. ]
...I've a feeling I'm going to be making this up to you for weeks.
[ strohl says, with a sigh, overdramatic as he pulls his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose - there's something so soft and thankful in his emotions, there, too. something proud, something warm, something understanding. together or not at all, all the way to the end. ]
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no subject
You didn't think this was important to tell me before? At any point? [ ANGRY
but also most of it comes from an intense, terrified worry. she worries. she doesn't want to go through all of this just to go back and he's dead. ]
What the fuck, Strohl!
no subject
[ always time, always time. vi was gone so quickly. after their jaunt on the gauntlet runner in simulations, he'd been thinking about it, and wanted to break it to her after the weekends events, only - that weekend, it was vi on the table once again, and everything spiralled from there. vi barely wanted to talk about the idea that she could be leaving with them. on top of that, there were a thousand other things to cover, too. her murder, the issues with rosamund, how afraid she was of being abandoned, it just never came up, even though the latter, he knows, will be made worse here.
he holds up both his hands in surrender even after that anger burst though, because he is apologetic and willing to take all of the heat, especially with the worry that leaks through. ]
Look. I've been thinking - it'll be fine. I don't think I'm going to die.
[ this is a marked change in what he told someone else who saw this same memory a few weeks ago, but - well, he feels a little differently about his noble sacrifices, lately. ]
no subject
they didn't have the time. it's the source of all of her problems, she just doesn't ever have enough time. she has missed so much. he was planning to tell her, but she died, and then she was so sure that she wasn't going to be able to go back with them - she's still not sure. she wants to, but nobody has an answer. nobody has a promise, and really, even then, they can promise all they want but in the end, if it doesn't happen, it'll kill her. so she can't hope. she really shouldn't hope, she shouldn't promise.
god, really, again - it's a good thing magla isn't a problem here because her anxiety is such a problem, her restlessness is just. getting to her. it comes out as something snarled and upset, and she has to take a second to swallow hard and push the burn of tears away again. she's not a crybaby, she won't cry about this. she can't hope, but she can't just let him go, either, so...
so instead, fiercely: ]
Yeah, you're goddamn right. You're not going to die.
[ because she'll be there, and she's not going to let him. ]
no subject
[ in the face of all that emotion - his own are unsteady, too, but he locks onto that phrase. you're not going to die. i'm not going to die. he's got his own uncertainties. there's the fact that basilio and heismay were just as badly wounded. the fact that heismay is so small despite his ability to glide. strohl is not a light and delicate young man. there's the fact that he was plummeting, too, doomed to his death and his noble sacrifice, like his parents before him.
but.
things are changing. he wants to see the future, the world they've fought for. and he wants vi to see it, too. so, he locks onto that steadiness, and catches her eyes.
a pause. plucked thread of tension. and; ]
You've got my back?
no subject
[ this is something she can do. she can't fix anything at home, she can't help her sister, she can't help caitlyn. that entire situation will never work out the way she wants it to. but this - this is concrete. all of this time she's been wrestling with the guilt of being caught in a tight spot, how she couldn't think of something that would save everybody. but here? here. in this memory, she thinks if she was standing there, she could catch him. she could do something about it.
and it's really what makes the decision for her. if she wasn't sure before, she is now.
so - vi takes his hand, and meets his gaze with a certainty she hasn't had before. ]
I've got your back, Leon.
no subject
HANDSHAKE!!
anyway. admittedly, there's a brief bit of hangtime here, a brief - hesitation, a moment where things could go either way. strohl knows what answer he'd like to hear, but with this final, necessary truth set between them, it could go either way. is he not making more promises he could so easily break?
but the answer that comes is so assured and confident that it makes his heart soar. and despite the fact that he got punched just five seconds ago, despite the fact he was face to face with his own death once again, (maybe?) it puts a grin on his face. ]
... Good. [ and he'll take her hand, and squeeze it hard, projecting back that exact same emotional security, that certainty, that warmth, as the anxiety melts to a low simmer. ] Then I'll be fine.
[ it's a leap of faith, in the most literal sense. in the way that vi showed him her back, in the resort, it's strohl falling, falling, falling, and knowing she'll be right there to catch him. some part of him wonders if that'll be strong enough to force that awakening, after all. ]
no subject
so. he takes her hand, squeezes it. and she swallows hard, watching him. there's a future for her where she can stop her family from falling out of her grasp. there's a future where that doesn't have to happen again. there is a future where she sees the thing that drives her the most - the people she loves - get hurt, and she'll be able to help, in a solid, feasible way.
she really might awaken then and there after all. ]
... Still mad at you for not telling me right away, but yeah. You'll be fine.
[ this is not as serious. lightens the mood a little. ]
no subject
[ strohl says, with a sigh, overdramatic as he pulls his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose - there's something so soft and thankful in his emotions, there, too. something proud, something warm, something understanding. together or not at all, all the way to the end. ]
no subject
a beat. ]
I'm gonna have to share you tomorrow, so. Get ready to do some sucking up.
[ mostly teasing, but also like - a little bit of actual worry in there. not a lot. just some. ]