[ it's less the death than it is the helplessness. it's less the death than it is watching. it's the same as waking up in the aftermath of thursday nights knowing your best friend died when she was right next to you, the night before, and you were lulled into some forceful sleep and unable to do anything about it, knowing it happened twice. there's something so visceral about having to watch from a distance, and then to make it worse, the person returns all wrong, mind messed with beyond all belief. it's hard, for strohl. he's never once in his life been a passive observer, and he hates feeling powerless, because - well. it's a reminder of the past, of how worthless he actually is when it comes to protecting anyone he cares for.
all of those awful, rancid thoughts are swirling when she shoves him - they startle, a crystallised ! and he turns to look at her, scowling a little.
...
and then huffs, sets his hand on his shoulder, cracks his neck. ]
Show me the cage, then.
[ because in the end, he doesn't want to wallow. he's not the kind of person to wallow, either. maybe doing something will help, and - under all of that, there's this thread of gratitude. ]
[ she elbows him - bumps their shoulders together. she gets it. she really does. watching is torture, but she's learned how to deal with it through drinking herself to sleep and getting the shit beat out of her in a cage match, so. she gives him what she knows. it's certainly not talking about it. ]
Gotta fight me first.
[ she says, brushing at her mouth with her arm, before turning and leading him off towards the cage. she's not one for weapons, but with her gauntlets? it'll just be like weeks ago, after boothill's trial.
there's a familiarity there that she clings to. that she feels, so strongly. in fact, she echos it a little, as they're walking: ]
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all of those awful, rancid thoughts are swirling when she shoves him - they startle, a crystallised ! and he turns to look at her, scowling a little.
...
and then huffs, sets his hand on his shoulder, cracks his neck. ]
Show me the cage, then.
[ because in the end, he doesn't want to wallow. he's not the kind of person to wallow, either. maybe doing something will help, and - under all of that, there's this thread of gratitude. ]
no subject
Gotta fight me first.
[ she says, brushing at her mouth with her arm, before turning and leading him off towards the cage. she's not one for weapons, but with her gauntlets? it'll just be like weeks ago, after boothill's trial.
there's a familiarity there that she clings to. that she feels, so strongly. in fact, she echos it a little, as they're walking: ]
Or try to, at least.