If I'd had the ability to tell you, I would've. [ he says, quietly, at first. the censors but also his brain was max soup during trial the brainfog was a nightmare on top of the overnight memloss. whew redacted ]
...I'm... [ as he brings his hand away and holds onto the drink with both hands. ] 's it bad to say it's better? That it turned out this way.
Like you were for me. [ quietly - he sags a little into her side. that didn't go unnoticed, and there's something soft, appreciative in the words. though...
the thought of sunday brings a whole host of anxiety, fresh and new - he lifts his hand and presses it to his eyes, hard to keep it in. ]
I'm no man to pray, but I'd consider it if it kept Rupert out of that arena, come tomorrow. [ NIGHTMARE SITUATION ] ...Or her highness, for that matter.
[ she'd been pacing since friday, bro, of course she was right there.
anyway, he presses his hand to his eyes and she just full on shifts so she can hug him. warm and easy. ]
You know it's probably gonna be one of them. [ she hates to say it, but that's always how it goes. it's the worst option, the one that hurts the most. ] She'll handle it with grace, like she always does.
... It's really not that bad over here. She'll have time to work through it with you. [ they can rest, and maybe vi can be a little selfish. ]
[ like she always does. god. she kicked his ass, even all that injured. it's probably better for it.
strohl's still clearly overthinking, still clearly just running on fumes - especially considering he absolutely tenses even further at the idea of it being rupert, god, that's the worst possible choice and it would send him into a fucking anxious dog tailspin tomorrow - and so as he's hugged he just sort of half melts into it, allowing himself the moment as it just hits him, too.
... ]
... I missed you.
[ a nonsequitir to all she said, but - but he needs to say it. sincere and open like a cut. ]
silence, for a long moment, as she kind of just. holds him like a fucking lifeline. her hand twitches, shakes a little. ]
I missed you too.
[ in a way that she cannot really explain with words. in a way she hasn't missed someone in years, in the same way she misses her family from years ago - the stability of his presence is so, so soothing, and she didn't realize how bad it was getting until now. ]
[ AGGRESSIVELY GRABS YOUR CAR AND PUTS IT BACK ON THE CORRECT ROAD INSTEAD OF THE CAREENING PATH TO BAD MENTAL HEALTH HELL
anyway. he feels that tremor, and there's something sort of - bolstering in it, something raw in knowing someone else is feeling the same as you are, is feeling the way that you do. great, heavy, impossible, a bleeding heart torn wide open and re-sutured, over and over. he'd said that their relationship had been serendipity, that they found each other in the wrong place, at the right time. and maybe that happened again, here, but right now, reunited and unable to be torn apart again, at least for a few more weeks, there's something utterly bolstering about knowing when you look to your left, that person will be there. ]
You were still there. [ not personally, maybe, but. if she gets to apologise, though, so will he. strohl adds, quietly; ] ...Sorry I couldn't do more.
[ to save her that night, to catch rosamund, to write more. he's felt so useless. there's something bolstering for strohl, natural helper, to be able to finally help. ]
[ HE IS REALLY STOPPING A CAR CRASH HERE it's dire
maybe it's better this way. maybe it's good that they're on this side, because they don't have to wake up every friday thinking is this the day i lose the comfort of having that person next to me. wrong place at the right time is so accurate. there's a sort of relief in the way she's hugging him that she can't hide. today's the first time she's genuinely laughed in weeks. she's been so heavy - she's not been sober since she died.
but she didn't bring a bottle to trial watch today. so. ]
You didn't need to do more than what you've been doing.
[ stubbornly. they can both be like this. they can both help. the eldest daughter and the only son. ]
they really deserve each other, in the end - separated by two different worlds, but a classic example of what nature and nurture truly means to a person and the way that they're built. ]
...I've not the energy to argue about it. [ he says, eventually. tiredly, but... it's not lacking humour, either. ] So you'll have to just accept what I've said, or at least fib that you accept it, and I'll do the same, one or the other.
[ because she's tired too, and she has a horrible headache and her hands are shaking a little, and it's not worth it to fight with him over how much they love each other. they do. she's sure of that, at least. she lets go, finally, leaning back to rub at her face. ]
[ honey your withdrawal. they're the same in this too, though it's not related to booze for him. just the horrors of the day, the exhaustion, the terrifying anxiety of what could have been done. the bonecrushing, guilty relief of now. just the slightest tremor and a migraine from hell. ]
...Yeah. [ softer. there's a lot of weight in that, many, many words unsaid, but maybe they don't have to be. in the end, he will be fine. heavier than he was when he came. but fine.
he shifts a little bit to loll his head and look at her. ] You?
she seems relieved that he's not ripping himself apart, honestly. vi's a fixer, but she isn't really sure how much she could even do in the event that strohl had killed hulkenberg, possessed or not. absently, she rubs at her wrists - if he's watching her closely, he'll see her dig her nails in every so often. maybe a little reminiscent of that hairband snapping habit she'd had right after her trip, weeks ago. ]
Sure. [ glances at him. ] I'm winning here, Strohl, I don't have to keep writing to you and Hulkenberg to tell you to die.
[ yeah he's like. shockingly okay about this. this was the best possible outcome for many reasons.
he's looking down at her hand when she looks at him - it takes him a second to look back up. ] That is true. [ he pauses, there. opens his mouth. closes it. seems to think on something. and...
well... that can wait. another day, for that one - instead, he shakes his head, clearing it out. ]
...Did you want to see? [ reaching up for his upper arm, gentle. maybe he can distract her hand. ]
she - hesitates? not terribly, not in a bad way, just. she knows it's going to kick her ass. it's a level of loyalty she isn't sure she has known before. a beat. ]
Yeah. [ she says finally, swallowing hard. ] Sure. If you wanna show me.
[ with that, he'll finally extricate himself a bit and shift to sit up. truthfully, despite being a victorian maiden in his heart, he's not that huge of a weenie and doesn't mind around people he's comfortable with, so - it takes him a minute to shed his top layers, undo his jabot, deal with all the layers of a regency outfit.
but. settled shirtless, she can see the tattoo in all its glory. mostly healed up now, carefully cared for. the same image from the photo - the griffin, and of course, the gear-encircled VI. he shifts to the side so his right side faces her, so it's easy to see. ]
[ it's also fine because she's the most lesbian woman to ever lesbian so she has zero interest in his chest, too. it's really just - she does get caught up in staring at the tattoo.
the gear-encircled VI. her breath catches, and then, quietly, in a rough voice: ]
It looks good.
[ it's more than that, but she's absolutely shit at expressing how she feels about it. which... might be okay, because it's evident on her face. it kind of hurts to look at, in a way that doesn't feel awful. ]
[ he smiles a little bit at that - despite the absolute fucking exhausting nightmare that has been the past forty eight hours, the warmth in his low voice is very genuine. ]
Guess it'd be worse if you thought it didn't. Little late for that. [ jokingly - he glances over his shoulder at her, reading her reaction. ] ...I could never forget about you - bar strange possession, but I remembered you then, too. You must know that.
Edited (remembers my own damn possession murder pick ) 2025-07-06 13:41 (UTC)
[ her reaction is that she's really very touched, and she has no idea how to get that across. vi is surprisingly emotionally smart, sometimes, but only for other people. genuine shows of loyalty are hard. unusual, even. when is the last time someone went out of their way to make her feel like she was important? ]
You're going to regret it if I do something to piss you off. [ this is supposed to be a joke but it kind of falls flat because she actually believes this. so it doesn't even do a good job of dodging what he says, and she just!! sighs, and looks away like :T because she knows he's going to see it and yell at her. ]
You've pissed me off plenty. We got into a fight the first three days we were here. [ about caring about each other too much which is objectively stupid and also why he says this.
anyway more sincerely, stubborn: ] I'm not. [ going to regret it. ]
... Do you remember? It was nigh one of the first things you asked me about. You were trying to get a read on me, I think. Told me a story about someone who lost their convictions after a loss.
[ a deeply familiar story, now. ]
I told you then I'd not back down. Still rings true.
and it does, but it's not so bad. for lack of something to do with her hands, she reaches for the bottle of whiskey she'd snatched from the mini fridges on the way in, and holds it. clicks her nails against the glass, staring down at it. ]
You've lasted longer than anybody else. [ she says, with a shrug. and she just goes ahead and takes a drink. ]
I do remember. I do more remembering here than anything else.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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If I'd had the ability to tell you, I would've. [ he says, quietly, at first. the censors but also his brain was max soup during trial the brainfog was a nightmare on top of the overnight memloss. whew redacted ]
...I'm... [ as he brings his hand away and holds onto the drink with both hands. ] 's it bad to say it's better? That it turned out this way.
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I keep telling you all of this is fucked up. [ tilts her head back. ] It's not better. But I can't say I'm unhappy that it shook out like this.
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It must have been killing her, to lie.
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[ thinks about her conversation with weesh and gets annoyed all over again, drinking with a pissy look. ]
Maybe it's better she's coming here. The two of you can't be over there if we're going to make this work.
[ she means this SO kindly because she loves them, but she's really like you guys are too attached to doing the right thing for all of this ]
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[ with a soft huff. ]
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Yeah? [ ... ] It's not going to be for much longer. Doesn't take long for people to show up on Sundays. You can be there, waiting.
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the thought of sunday brings a whole host of anxiety, fresh and new - he lifts his hand and presses it to his eyes, hard to keep it in. ]
I'm no man to pray, but I'd consider it if it kept Rupert out of that arena, come tomorrow. [ NIGHTMARE SITUATION ] ...Or her highness, for that matter.
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anyway, he presses his hand to his eyes and she just full on shifts so she can hug him. warm and easy. ]
You know it's probably gonna be one of them. [ she hates to say it, but that's always how it goes. it's the worst option, the one that hurts the most. ] She'll handle it with grace, like she always does.
... It's really not that bad over here. She'll have time to work through it with you. [ they can rest, and maybe vi can be a little selfish. ]
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strohl's still clearly overthinking, still clearly just running on fumes - especially considering he absolutely tenses even further at the idea of it being rupert, god, that's the worst possible choice and it would send him into a fucking anxious dog tailspin tomorrow - and so as he's hugged he just sort of half melts into it, allowing himself the moment as it just hits him, too.
... ]
... I missed you.
[ a nonsequitir to all she said, but - but he needs to say it. sincere and open like a cut. ]
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silence, for a long moment, as she kind of just. holds him like a fucking lifeline. her hand twitches, shakes a little. ]
I missed you too.
[ in a way that she cannot really explain with words. in a way she hasn't missed someone in years, in the same way she misses her family from years ago - the stability of his presence is so, so soothing, and she didn't realize how bad it was getting until now. ]
Sorry I left you guys behind.
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anyway. he feels that tremor, and there's something sort of - bolstering in it, something raw in knowing someone else is feeling the same as you are, is feeling the way that you do. great, heavy, impossible, a bleeding heart torn wide open and re-sutured, over and over. he'd said that their relationship had been serendipity, that they found each other in the wrong place, at the right time. and maybe that happened again, here, but right now, reunited and unable to be torn apart again, at least for a few more weeks, there's something utterly bolstering about knowing when you look to your left, that person will be there. ]
You were still there. [ not personally, maybe, but. if she gets to apologise, though, so will he. strohl adds, quietly; ] ...Sorry I couldn't do more.
[ to save her that night, to catch rosamund, to write more. he's felt so useless. there's something bolstering for strohl, natural helper, to be able to finally help. ]
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maybe it's better this way. maybe it's good that they're on this side, because they don't have to wake up every friday thinking is this the day i lose the comfort of having that person next to me. wrong place at the right time is so accurate. there's a sort of relief in the way she's hugging him that she can't hide. today's the first time she's genuinely laughed in weeks. she's been so heavy - she's not been sober since she died.
but she didn't bring a bottle to trial watch today. so. ]
You didn't need to do more than what you've been doing.
[ stubbornly. they can both be like this. they can both help. the eldest daughter and the only son. ]
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Then, neither did you. [ binch.
they really deserve each other, in the end - separated by two different worlds, but a classic example of what nature and nurture truly means to a person and the way that they're built. ]
...I've not the energy to argue about it. [ he says, eventually. tiredly, but... it's not lacking humour, either. ] So you'll have to just accept what I've said, or at least fib that you accept it, and I'll do the same, one or the other.
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We can just - both take it.
[ because she's tired too, and she has a horrible headache and her hands are shaking a little, and it's not worth it to fight with him over how much they love each other. they do. she's sure of that, at least. she lets go, finally, leaning back to rub at her face. ]
You gonna be okay? After all this.
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...Yeah. [ softer. there's a lot of weight in that, many, many words unsaid, but maybe they don't have to be. in the end, he will be fine. heavier than he was when he came. but fine.
he shifts a little bit to loll his head and look at her. ] You?
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she seems relieved that he's not ripping himself apart, honestly. vi's a fixer, but she isn't really sure how much she could even do in the event that strohl had killed hulkenberg, possessed or not. absently, she rubs at her wrists - if he's watching her closely, he'll see her dig her nails in every so often. maybe a little reminiscent of that hairband snapping habit she'd had right after her trip, weeks ago. ]
Sure. [ glances at him. ] I'm winning here, Strohl, I don't have to keep writing to you and Hulkenberg to tell you to die.
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he's looking down at her hand when she looks at him - it takes him a second to look back up. ] That is true. [ he pauses, there. opens his mouth. closes it. seems to think on something. and...
well... that can wait. another day, for that one - instead, he shakes his head, clearing it out. ]
...Did you want to see? [ reaching up for his upper arm, gentle. maybe he can distract her hand. ]
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she - hesitates? not terribly, not in a bad way, just. she knows it's going to kick her ass. it's a level of loyalty she isn't sure she has known before. a beat. ]
Yeah. [ she says finally, swallowing hard. ] Sure. If you wanna show me.
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but. settled shirtless, she can see the tattoo in all its glory. mostly healed up now, carefully cared for. the same image from the photo - the griffin, and of course, the gear-encircled VI. he shifts to the side so his right side faces her, so it's easy to see. ]
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the gear-encircled VI. her breath catches, and then, quietly, in a rough voice: ]
It looks good.
[ it's more than that, but she's absolutely shit at expressing how she feels about it. which... might be okay, because it's evident on her face. it kind of hurts to look at, in a way that doesn't feel awful. ]
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[ he smiles a little bit at that - despite the absolute fucking exhausting nightmare that has been the past forty eight hours, the warmth in his low voice is very genuine. ]
Guess it'd be worse if you thought it didn't. Little late for that. [ jokingly - he glances over his shoulder at her, reading her reaction. ] ...I could never forget about you - bar strange possession, but I remembered you then, too. You must know that.
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You're going to regret it if I do something to piss you off. [ this is supposed to be a joke but it kind of falls flat because she actually believes this. so it doesn't even do a good job of dodging what he says, and she just!! sighs, and looks away like :T because she knows he's going to see it and yell at her. ]
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he gives her a flat look. ]
You've pissed me off plenty. We got into a fight the first three days we were here. [ about caring about each other too much which is objectively stupid and also why he says this.
anyway more sincerely, stubborn: ] I'm not. [ going to regret it. ]
... Do you remember? It was nigh one of the first things you asked me about. You were trying to get a read on me, I think. Told me a story about someone who lost their convictions after a loss.
[ a deeply familiar story, now. ]
I told you then I'd not back down. Still rings true.
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and it does, but it's not so bad. for lack of something to do with her hands, she reaches for the bottle of whiskey she'd snatched from the mini fridges on the way in, and holds it. clicks her nails against the glass, staring down at it. ]
You've lasted longer than anybody else. [ she says, with a shrug. and she just goes ahead and takes a drink. ]
I do remember. I do more remembering here than anything else.
[ another drink. ]
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...Vi.
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